There was a small church in Texas that had a very big-busted organist.
Her breasts were so huge that they inadvertently bounced and jiggled the entire time she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted most of the congregation considerably, both male and female.
The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So, one of the ladies approached the organist, very discreetly, and told her to mash up some green persimmons and rub them on the nipples of her breasts and maybe they would shrink in size, but warned her to not eat any of the green persimmons, 'because they are so sour they will make your mouth pucker up and you won't be able to talk properly for a week!'
The perky organist agreed to try rubbing the persimmons on her nipples.
The following Sunday morning the minister got up in the pulpit and said....
'Dew to thircumsthanthis bewond my contwol, we will not haff a thermon tewday.'
A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor that was an avid atheist and a member of the ACLU.
One day the professor shocked the class when he came into the classroom. He looked at the ceiling and flatly stated, "God if you ae real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes." the lecture room fell silent and you could have heard a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimes, "Here I am God, and I'm still waiting."
It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, walked up to the professor, and cold cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there silently.
The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, "What in the world is the matter with you? Why did you do that?" The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today, protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like and idiot. So He sent me!"